Once Upon A Time...

There was once a group of 5 characters...  Their group was named Avalanche...  This was a nice group of people who wanted to save the world...

"The five characters; Aeris, Tifa, Cloud, Barret, and Nanaki; Were talking to Hojo"
Barret: "Holding Hojo by the neck" Where's President Shinra?!  Talk 'r I'll Blow Yer Brains Out!!
Nanaki: We had better hurry before the backup guards come...
Tifa: And who did kill the others, ask that too!
Barret: Yeah! "shakes Hojo" 'ou heard Tifa!  Tell Us What happened to the people round here?
Hojo: "Fully calmed, cool headed, evil scientist look" Why, nothing...
Aeris: This guy gives me the creeps...
Barret: 'ou better tell us!
Hojo: To tell the truth...  This was caused by my most brilliant species, Jenova...
Cloud: "Now paying attention" Jenova?  That...  Monster that was in the experimental tank?
"Hojo gives off an evil mad scientist laugh"
Barret: Say Wha?!
Tifa: We're in trouble...
Hojo: Yes, my precious specimens...

Leaving Mr Mad Scientist, the nice group of Avalanche walk to find some stairs leading to the upper level...  Just then, Mr Palmer rolls down the stairs to greet everyone...

Palmer: "Finally stopped by Avalanche" H... Help!  He...  He is g-going to...  Kill me!!
Cloud: Who is going to kill you, talk!
Palmer:  It...  It was... Him!
Tifa: Who was 'him'?
Barret: Yea' Talk!
Palmer: D... Don't let him kill me!
Cloud: Can't you shake any info out of him, Barret?
Aeris: Please, do not hurt him...
Barret: "Shaking Palmer by the fat neck" What're 'ou talk'n bout?
Palmer: He...  He k-  President Shinra!
Tifa: President Shinra?

Mr Palmer kindly told them where to go...  So the nice group of Avalanche left Mr Palmer to find Mr Shinra up the stairs...

"When up the stairs"
Cloud: President...  President Shinra is
Tifa: Dead?
Nanaki: There must be a reason...
"Examining, Aeris found a sword stabbed in Pres. Shinra"
Aeris: Look!  The sword!
Barret: No Way!
Cloud: Only one person could use that sword...
Tifa: Who, Cloud?
Cloud: We must pull it out and see!

One by one, the nice group of Avalanche tried to pull the sword out of Mr Shinra...

Cloud: Errr!  Darn it!
Barret: $*(&$ wont work!
Tifa: I Give Up!!!  This is impossible!
Nanaki: It must be these paws!
Aeris: No, my beautiful skin would be damaged if I tried too hard...

But, one by one, all failed...  Just then, Mr Rufus came to them from the back door...

Rufus: What is taking you so long!  I was supposed to fight Cloud an hour ago!
Cloud: We're trying to see who this sword belongs to!
Tifa: Then we can find out who killed him!
Aeris: So we can find out who's the best!
Rufus: I have no idea what you are talking about...  But let me try!
"Brushing his hair back, Rufus tried to pull the sword out of Pres. Shinra (his father)"
Rufus: Argh!
"But failed"
Rufus: He must be rigged!

Out of Nowhere, came the other members of Avalanche; Yuffie, CaitSith, Cid, and Vincent...

Nanaki: Who are you?
Yuffie: We are the other Avalanche members!
Barret: I didn't recruit no new members!
Vincent: We come later in the game...  We had sensed that you needed help...
CaitSith: What're you talking about!  I want to be the winner!

So Yuffie, CaitSith, Cid, and Vincent tried to pull the sword out of Mr Shinra...

Yuffie: This is harder than stealing materia from big monsters!
CaitSith: I'm just too small!  And my Mog is just stuffed!
Cid: @&%*(#&$&#(^#($&#(%^#(&(#^$ and $%&*#$(%^#(
Vincent: Grunt...

But all failed...  Suddenly, the wonderful Turks; Rude, Reno, and Elena; come...

Aeris: They're after me again...
Turks: No...  We want to be the best!
Reno: "With a lisp" I'd like to pull a sword out of President Shinra...
"Everyone looks oddly to Reno"
Reno: What?
Elena: Let's just pull the sword out!

So, the wonderful Turks try to pull the sword from Mr Shinra...

Rude: "Mutter mutter mutter"...
Reno: Gosh... I can't seem to do it...
Elena: "Whine" I can't do it!

Still, the wonderful Turks failed...  When everyone was at lost; Palmer, Tseng, Scarlet, and Heidegger come up the stairs...

P, T, S, & H: We want to try!!!
Palmer: Being scared of dying doesn't work!  I need to pull that sword out and prove my worth!
Tseng: Indeed...  If given the chance of becoming the ruler and almighty, I will take it...
Scarlet: "Kyahaha" Being ruler includes inheriting a large fortune of money... I can not pass this down...
Heidegger: "Gyahaha" I will win main supreme!

Unfortunately...

Palmer: "Tired at first try" I shouldn't have eaten that lard filled hot dog earlier...
Tseng: "I have failed look"
Scarlet: There Are Other Ways To Gain Money!!!
Heidegger: There are other ways for power!

Palmer, Tseng, Scarlet, and Heidegger had failed...  Out of the blue came a great knight in shining clad armor...  A long sword on his back...

Cid: Who the @#&(*#& are you?!
Knight: I am Arthur...
Cloud: I think you're a wack...

The great knight, Arthur approached Mr Shinra and attempted to pull the sword out...

Arthur: Some stone...
Rufus: That's not a stone!  That's my father!
Arthur: It is?  Maybe that is why he isn't hard...
Rufus: He always was a softy
Arthur: But I shall pull this sword out and be reigned king!
"There is a big flash of light... Holy music plays..."
Arthur: Arck...
"The holy music stops as a loud gunshot is heard"
Tifa: Barret!
Barret: It wasn't me dis time!
Reno: Then who was it?
"A loud growl is heard...  Everyone looks to Vincent-"
Vincent: Rrrrrrr...  That man was very bothersome!
"Then slowly back away"
Yuffie: He didn't have any good materia...
Nanaki: And he was not part of the story, in that matter...

As with the other nice people, Arthur had failed...  Shall no one pull the sword out?

Warrrrk!
Tifa: eh?
CaitSith: A chocobo!!!
Chocobo: "Coming out of nowhere" Wark!
Aeris: You will try to pull the sword out?
"Chocobo nods"
Nanaki: You...  Talk to animals?
Tifa: You...  Talk to people?
Nanaki: I take that back...
Aeris: "Listening to Chocobo" You will become a God?
Everyone in the room: A GOD?!?!?!
"Chocobo nods again and lifts its head proudly"
Tseng: "crying" I could have become a god...
Chocobo: Warrrk! Wark!

So, Mr Chocobo tried to pull the sword out...

Chocobo: WARK!!!!!

But failed...

"Chocobo starts pecking on Pres. Shinra"
Cid: Stop the #*)$#(ing thing!!!
Barret: 'kay! "Aims gun"
Aeris: No!!!
"Aeris jumps in front of the gun as it goes off"
"BANG!"
"Aeris falls to the ground"
Cloud: My God...
Tifa: Heh...  Now Cloud's all mine...
Aeris: ICE 3!!!
Cloud: Aeris, You're still alive!
"After a few loud explosions, and the dust clears, the building stays in tact"
Tifa: Missed me!
Aeris: Errr...
"Hojo suddenly comes running up the stairs"
Hojo: Did one of my experimentations come back-
"The cieling above Hojo caves in and lands on him"
Cloud: My God...
Aeris: Hojo died?
"Rude slowly walks to Hojo, knocks the debris off of the mad scientist, and kicks him"
Rude: That was for telling me mako was good to drink... And this...
"Rude kicks Hojo again"
Rude: Was for the after effects and my hair falling out!  I can't get it back now!
"Reno and Elena snicker"
Rude: What's So Funny!?!?!?!

So the nice people gave up on pulling sword out...

Barret: Wadda Ya Mean 'Gave Up'?!
Tifa: Who is going to pull the sword out!?
Cloud: And be God!?
Nanaki: We are at loss...

Just then, a figure steps from the darkness...

Everyone: Who is that?!
Figure: Your savior!
Everyone: You Must be-
Figure: Yes!
"The figure steps into view"
Sephiroth: It is me!  Sephiroth!
"Everyone steps out of the way as Sephiroth walks to the sword"
"He puts his hands over the sword and, as his music plays, pulls it out"
"Everyone gasps, then bows to him"
Everyone: Our God!
Sephiroth: Ha Ha Ha!!!

And they lived happily ever after...

"Sephiroth wakes up"
Sephiroth: Huh?
"He looks around... To see the place along the cost where he had fallen asleep"
Sephiroth: "Sighing" Just a dream...
"He stands, and cleans off his sword"
"Then walks off"

"Back at Shinra tower"
Cloud: Where did Sephiroth go?
Tifa: So it was Sephiroth that killed President Shinra...
Nanaki: Who knew...
Aeris: Well... We have no point in being here anymore...
Palmer: Hey!
"Pointing to the unseen corner"
Palmer: Look!  Cookies!
Everyone: Yeah!

The End...